


The Light in the Darkness

by ShyVioletCat



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Death in Childbirth, Lots of Angst, Major character death - Freeform, spoilers in tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:07:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22316818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShyVioletCat/pseuds/ShyVioletCat
Summary: This started as a Prompt from Tumblr: Could you do a rowaelin angst prompt like thing where aelin dies giving birth to their second or third child and becomes a ghost that follows them around? Idk how to explain it very well at the moment... but it's obviously an angst prompt. Love you AND your writing!
Relationships: Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien/Rowan Whitethorn, Rowaelin - Relationship
Comments: 6
Kudos: 36





	The Light in the Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> Well, well, well anon… Thank you for making me cry at least three times while writing this. At one point I couldn’t see the screen. *WARNING* Major character death ahead… 
> 
> My hand was forced. But I still apologise.

Rowan held his new born daughter in his arms, the world quiet and still. She was so tiny, so perfect. But it did nothing to soothe the expanse of darkness within him that threatened to swallow him whole.

“Rowan.”

It was Yrene. He’d heard her approach but he didn’t look up from the squirming infant in his arms. Because if he did…

“Rowan, I just need to check her over. It will only take me a few minutes then I will bring her right back to you.” Yrene’s voice was so soft and quiet, as if speaking to him in any other manner might shatter him entirely. And it just might.

Rowan drew in a shuddering breath, feeling his will slipping. His daughter cried out her body moving involuntarily. She was minutes old, she knew nothing of the world. He envied her ignorance.

“Only a few moments,” Yrene said again.

Rowan complied, treating the request as a command, like a good soldier.

All of a sudden he wasn’t in Orynth, he was is Mistward in that dingy old room, fire roaring to help Aelin keep warm after her burnout.

I don’t want your pity she had said to him and then told him why.

Like a good soldierRowan had told her. He had meant every one of those words to her.

Rowan looked at his empty hands where his daughter had been. It was then that he saw the small crescent shaped imprints in his palms. They weren’t from his own nails, they were from hers… She had gripped his hands so hard as she made him promise her, as if the drop of healing power within knew what none of them had, she made him promise.

_“You save him Rowan. If you have to save one of us, you save him.”_

They had been so sure that it was a boy. The dream Rowan had had all those years ago as he searched for his mate had been right for their first two children and they had blissfully assumed he would be right again this time. And then it would be another daughter and then at least one, that would be a true surprise. They had quietly laughed about it over so many nights. Aelin had called him a seer and Rowan had flicked her nose and kissed her which only made her laugh, a wicked and joyous sound. Something he would never hear again.

Rowan turned around to face the bed where she lay, cold and unmoving. Someone had laid one of their blankets over her, just above her shoulders exposed. Rowan understood the sentiment but the blanket was useless, not when Aelin’s raging wildfire had burnt out, never to be kindled again.

Aelin was dead. Rowan’s mate, his wife, his love, was dead.

Rowan stumbled to the edge of the bed, falling to his knees beside it. He brushed Aelin’s hair away from her face, her skin already so cold and her face draining of colour. It was as if she had thrown every last part of her into saving their child. If there was one thing Aelin loved more than him it was their children. She loved them fiercely with every part of her burning heart and soul.

A broken sob cracked from his chest, the sound coming from the shreds of his broken soul, so devoid of anything now that the mating bond had been irrevocably severed. Then he said one word, so mournful and shattered that all those in the room began to weep at the sound.

“Fireheart.”

~~~~~

 _Fireheart_ …

Aelin felt warm as she slowly opened her eyes. It felt so strange after being so, so cold. Instinctively her hands went to her stomach and found it to be entirely flat. Panic gripped her and she sat up.

“Fireheart.”

Aelin’s whole body stilled. She had not heard that voice in so long.

“Mother?”

Aelin was enclosed in a warm embrace, so familiar and comforting. She’d never forget the strong arms of her Father and how they felt as they held her and kept her safe from the world.

He let her go and Aelin took in the smiling faces of her parents. They were smiling but Aelin could read the sadness in their faces, the unshed tears in their eyes.

“I’m not supposed to be here,” Aelin whispered.

“I know, Aelin,” her father said, his hand reaching for hers.

It came back to her, in flashes and moments.

_Pain pulled her from her sleep, or maybe it had been her essence of healing power telling her something was wrong. Very wrong. Rowan was already awake and she murmured his name as he assessed her. When he pulled back the blankets that’s when she saw the blood._

_Using the same portal they had used to bring in the Wolf Tribe in the final battle Rowan brought Yrene to Orynth. They had agreed the portals were only to be used in emergencies. This was most definitely an emergency. Despite the late hour Yrene arrived clear eyed and wholly awake._

_“Just so you know, you’ve interrupted our first night alone in months,” Yrene said as she rolled up her sleeves._

_Aelin huffed a laugh, grateful for Yrene’s attempt to lift the mood._

_“You’re not missing much,” Aelin said, her voice trembling as much as her body._

_Yrene snorted at that. “Alright let’s see what is going on here.”_

_Hours passed and Aelin had been in constant pain, she was feeling herself grow weaker by the minute._

_Her fae hearing picked up Yrene’s whispers. “There’s too much blood. I can’t stop it.”_

_Aelin turned to Rowan, his face was stricken. She could feel his fear as though it was her own. She took his hand, another contraction ripping at her body as she locked eyes with her mate. This was different to the births of her other two children and it scared her._

_“You save him Rowan. If it comes down to it you save him.”_

_Aelin could feel her fingernails biting into Rowan’s palm but he didn’t flinch. He only nodded once._

_I understand, his eyes said to her…_

“I’m not meant to be here.” They memories blurred and Aelin shook her head. The hand that was not held by her father flew to Aelin’s chest. It felt, hollow, empty. She reached for Rowan, reached for the mating bond, but neither were there. Aelin cried out, a sound of true heartbreak. Again she reached for Rowan, hoping desperately that some thread remained to bring her back. There was nothing. Instead a scene opened before her, Rowan knelt beside their bed, whispering things she could not hear. He knelt besides her lifeless body, tears streaming down his face.

Aelin’s own cheeks were wet with tears as his voice became clearer.

“I kept my promise Aelin, our child is alive. I hope you can hear me from wherever you are because it was a little girl, not a boy like we thought it would be,” Rowan said.

Then Yrene was beside him, handing him a bundle. Instinctively Aelin moved forward, wanting to see what she had not been able to while she was living. The face of her daughter. Rowan cradled her to his chest her perfect face peeking through the blankets, her eyes were open and she saw those Ashryver eyes search her father’s face. Rowan let out a shuddering breath.

“I know I promised to find you, to rip through all the hells until we were together again. But I can’t right now, Fireheart. She needs me, Elsie and Finn. They all need me. Terrasen needs me. If I left themnow you would find me yourself and kick my ass for good measure. So I won’t leave them yet, any of them. But we will be together again. To whatever end.”

Aelin let her heavy tears fall, the pain unbearable. She felt as if she was being torn to pieces. Her children motherless. Her country without a Queen. What had she done to cause this?

“It wasn’t your fault, Fireheart,” Her mother said, reading her thoughts. “You did nothing to cause this and you could do nothing to stop it. Sometimes life is cruel.”

Aelin turned away from her husband to look at her mother and her father. They understood what it was to be taken from a child too early, they knew her pain.

“Will you come, we’ve been waiting for you?” Evalin held her hand out to her daughter, beckoning and hopeful.

Aelin turned back to Rowan weeping unabashedly, tears staining the white blanket that kept they’re newborn daughter warm. Once again Aelin felt torn, even in death she could not rest.

“I can’t,” Aelin said. “Not yet.”

Rhoe nodded. “We understand.”

Aelin’s parents walked away from her, fading away into a white light. She wasn’t sad to see them go, she would see them again. And soon.

~~~~~

It had been weeks and still Rowan hadn’t named their daughter. They had been so sure it was a boy they hadn’t come up with any names for a girl. Rowan had been in a haze since her death, barely functioning. He cared for their children and that was about it. Aelin was flattered that he grieved so deeply but she wanted to smack him on the back of the head for leaving their daughter nameless.

Elide and Aedion were effectively leading the country as Rowan kept to their, now his, private quarters. All of the court visited him, helped him, helped Elspeth and Finnian as they grieved too. Aelin watched, but most of all her new daughter. She was so small, it made Aelin’s heart ache that she couldn’t hold her, feel the smoothness of her cheeks, the softness of her hair. Aelin knew what she would call her. She would call her Alora. It was a name from a book she had read when she was younger. Aelin had loved the name, she didn’t know why, and it fit her daughter somehow. It meant light, and that’s what she was. A light in the darkness.

The babe stirred in her sleep, eyes blinking open. She’d been asleep for only minutes. Her mouth opened and she wailed and Rowan was by her side a moment later. Aelin watched as Rowan picked her up shushing her quietly.

“I have you, my little one. I have you,” Rowan murmured as he rested his daughter on his chest. Rowan paced and bounced, but still she cried. “I know. I know. I miss her too.”

Rowan hummed, a lullaby he sang to all their children. Aelin knew he wasn’t singing the words because he was too overcome with emotions right now. The baby stopped crying, soothed by that ancient melody.

“I’m sorry,” Rowan whispered. “I’m sorry I haven’t given you a name. I’m sorry your mother isn’t here, she would love you with all her heart. I’m sorry I’m not more.”

Aelin’s heart ached. Rowan was still selling himself short, always doubting his worth. If Aelin could she would contradict him, kiss him until he agreed with her. But she couldn’t.

She tried to reach for him, her chest still hollow from that severed bond, but still she tried.

“Alora, Alora, Alora,” Aelin said over and, hoping by some grace Rowan would hear her.

_Alora Alora Alora._

Rowan tilted his head as though he was listening for something.

_Alora…_

He looked down at the baby and Aelin held her breath.

“Alora,” Rowan whispered. “I love you, Alora.”

~~~~~

The years went on and still Aelin watched.

She saw Alora take her first steps walking between Elsie and Finn as Rowan cheered, pure joy on his face.

But he scowled as she said her first word. It was Fen, as in Uncle Fenrys. Aelin had laughed but sobered when she saw tears lining Fenrys’ eyes. By far Fenrys was Alora’s favourite. Aelin loved to watch them play when he was in his wolf form. He would snarl at her and she’d snarl right back, her four teeth bared.

Her older siblings adored her. One of them always seemed to be by her side, holding her hand or carrying her. If it wasn’t one of them it was a member of her court. Initially Aelin had tensed when Lorcan had taken her into his arms after she had wandered away from her sister who was meant to be watching her. But there was a gentleness to him that calmed her anxieties. Alora had grabbed at his long hair and he had let her.

The day her powers manifested Rowan had cried. She had been playing with Lysandra and Elide, they chased her and Alora chased them back. Lysandra had evaded Alora again by she stumbled as her foot caught on the floor. Entirely encased in ice. Everyone had gaped but Alora clapped her hands excitedly, entirely too proud at herself. Rowan looked on from where he sat, a tear rolling down his cheek. Aelin wiped her own away.

Alora grew and grew and Aelin could only watch as she became more beautiful by the day. By some cruel joke, maybe lingering from the damned gods Aelin had banished, Alora was a twin to Aelin. Same hair and eyes, almost identical face. Sometimes Aelin saw the way Rowan’s heart twisted in pain. He didn’t begrudge her or love her any less for it. If anything it was a beautiful reminder of his lost love.

Aelin watched as Alora fell in love and had her heart broken, a few times. Rowan was there for her holding her as she cried, threaten to rip arms off and freeze favoured appendages of the culprits. That made Alora and Aelin laugh. Fussy fae bastard.

Elspeth came of age, and after travelling and taking time for herself she assumed the throne and Rowan stepped down. Alora went travelling as well, visiting cousins in Wendlyn and Doranelle, making friends wherever she went. Such a bright light, people couldn’t keep away. Aelin wept when she found her mate in Doranelle. A brash young boy who would grate on everyone and give Fenrys and Aedion a run for their money. But Alora loved him and he adored her, so Aelin was happy.

Years passed, families were had, friends passed. Each one Aelin would greet and usher on, telling them that she would follow soon. She had someone in particular she was waiting for.

~~~~~

Rowan started to become weary of the world, his long years finally catching up to him. His sole joy were his children and grandchildren but it was almost time. It was Alora who told him to go. She was pregnant with her third child and she was sitting quietly with Rowan in his private room. She closed her book and sighed heavily.

“Papa,” Alora said and Rowan looked at her, “I think it is time for you to go.”

Rowan straightened at her words and went to say something but Alora raised her hand to stop him.

“We are all happy and content. We are safe and you have raised us in love and kindness. But I think it is time you soul was whole again.”

Aelin’s hands were on her chest, over that emptiness that was a constant dull ache.

Rowan nodded. “I will wait for this baby and then I will make plans.”

~~~~~

Rowan kept true to his word. Alora welcomed a healthy baby girl, as Rowan took her into his arms for the first time Alora told him her name.

“Rowenna. For you, Papa,” Alora’s weary voice whispered.

Aelin couldn’t tell who was crying harder, herself or Rowan.

Soon after he packed up his things, put his affairs in order and farewelled his loved ones. He left on a ship, arriving in Wendlyn a while later. Aelin was with him every step of the way as he trekked to the ruin’s of Mala’s temple. Where he had brought her all those years ago, to help her.

Rowan laid down on the broken stones and let out a heavy sigh. “I’m coming, Fireheart.”

Aelin placed her hands on Rowan’s chest even though he could not feel them. His breathing slowed and he placed his hands over his heart where Aelin’s hands were as if he knew. Aelin watched as Rowan breathing stopped, the light going from his features. She waited, prayed. Prayed to the Sun-goddess that she had banished but had left Aelin with a kindness that gave her a life with Rowan. Aelin begged for one last kindness. For her mate to find her once more. Although she could not feel it she knew Rowan’s body had gone cold, but he still wasn’t with her. The tears she had fought to keep at bay fell as Aelin began to despair that this may be her punishment for her wickedness. To be like Elena, always banished from her mate.

Aelin looked at Rowan’s handsome face, the face she had once hated but had come to love so fiercely.

“Find me, Buzzard,” Aelin whispered, her voice wavering. “You must come find me.”

Then Aelin heard a voice, the voice of her husband, her mate, the love who had made her want to live.

“Fireheart.”

Aelin stood and saw him there. Then they were in each other’s arms, lips pressed together in a sweet reunion they had waited life times for.

“I knew you were with me,” Rowan whispered leaning his forehead against hers. “I knew you would always be with me.”

That hollowness in her chest began to fill, the mating bond flowing freely between them once more. Aelin sighed at the feeling, she felt whole again.

“Will you come with me?” Aelin asked as she interlaced their fingers together.

“Where?” Rowan asked back.

Aelin shrugged. “I’m not sure. But I do not fear it as long as you’re with me.”

Rowan smiled and raised her hand to his lips.

“To whatever end, Aelin.”

“To whatever end.”

Then hand in hand they walked until the bright light enveloped them, caressing them like warm summer breeze and welcomed them into the beyond.


End file.
